Cliff's Edge: The Transition from Fear to Truth

I don't know about you, but this year has been putting me through the wringer. Every demon that has comfortably taken up residence in my mind (most of whom have been dancing around in there since early childhood) have been challenged to a death match. And thankfully, they're losing! But it's incredibly painful to live through. All those inner demons have lovingly convinced me throughout my life that if they die, I'm gonna go right with them. So I find myself standing at cliff's edge, overwhelmed and looking into an unknown abyss. Behind me are the demons that know me so well. The devilish goons who "took care of me" and "protected me" as I struggled to find my place in the world are now tied to trees, arrows pointed at their hearts, and they're pleading with me to turn back. They say they'll keep me safe if I just stop this crazy thing. And sometimes, it feels so easy to turn back.

The unknown abyss before me is beautiful and endless. It beckons me to trust God, to let go of fear and false control, and to soak up the love that has always been available to me but was hidden away by the demons who convinced a vulnerable, young girl that she'd only be good enough if she heeded their advice. The right choice, to step into that beautiful abyss, is obvious. But, and pardon my French, letting go is really fucking hard! Even though I have the clarity to see that many things I used to believe about myself and the world I've put myself in are just plain wrong, those lies are still all I've ever known. Those demons tell stories, and sometimes those stories are damn convincing. What will I cloak myself with in a unknown territory? What if I'm not strong enough to fly? What if the demons were right all along?

This is the fear that keeps me pacing along the edge. Not willing to stop looking at the truth, but still too clutched in fear to jump into it. So I remind myself, and you who has fatefully stumbled upon this post, to think smaller. The Truth (capital "T" TRUTH!) can be overwhelming, and even confrontational, when you've spent so long taking on the identity of lies. Don't pressure yourself to stop being scared of who you know you really are. It's only natural to fear the unknown, and scolding yourself for not being brave enough is just another demon trying a hitch a ride into your Light. Instead, trust the process by inviting small digestible pieces of truth to come join you on your cliff's edge. Before you know it, you'll realize you never even felt the jump and have been flying this whole time.