Don't Define Yourself by People's Reactions, They Can't See Much More than Themselves

People are disappointing. I find myself being reminded of that frequently, and up until now I've let it sour my heart with resentment. On the surface I blame others for being inadequate, but with each pang of disappointment, what I really feel is the scar of my own insecurity being rubbed raw. It's a hallmark of the millennial generation. We have such high standards for ourselves to be the heroes that we deeply want to become, and yet the height of those standards leaves so little room for compassion that we end up blaming ourselves and others for things no one person could possibly control. So we turn on ourselves and our backs to world as we, ironically, move even farther away from being the true brave hearts we want to be.

So when I find myself in the throes of disappointment, I eat peanut butter M&Ms until I forget the pain. No. I mean, yes, sometimes. But what I really try to do is remember that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have in each moment. Myself included! And a lot of the time, people aren't equipped to be selfless, pious, accommodating, attractive or even nice all the time. There are things going on in their own special experiences that could be overwhelming them, and most of those things can't be seen with the naked eye.

When you hold your reality to such a high standard that you guilt yourself and everybody else for not being good enough, nice enough, etc all you're doing is adding to the problem. That girl didn't smile back at you not because you're an unclean fledgling, but because she has a zillion stressors buzzing around her head and one of them is probably the feeling that she might also fear herself to be an unclean fledgling. Your resentment towards her does nothing but keep you both on that downward spiral.

When I feel most alone because of the decisions others have made I remind myself that I have a choice about my reaction to them. I can further isolate myself and perpetuate the problem or I can try to compassionately offer the best I can to those around me. Sometimes that's not very much, but that really is okay. If we keep reminding ourselves that not everyone's best is pleasing all the time, magic can flow through us with even the smallest crumb of compassion that we spare. Allow yourself that subtle softness... And peanut butter M&Ms. Seriously.