We all carry our failures around with us. We don't want to let them go because they feel like solid, safe places to point back to as we try to navigate in a chaotic and constantly changing world. But our past "failures" are only as solid as our attitudes about them. Because contrary to how tangible you believe your personal failure to be, it is completely abstract, inconstant and adjustable. Yes, events happened in the past and yes, you were lucky enough to have been apart of those irrevocable histories. But at this moment they no longer exist except as perceptions of your memory. You can't change the event because it doesn't exist anymore. But you can change how your perception will affect your future.
First, it is imperative to decipher the difference between what truly is a personal failure and what is something out of your control. Because everyday we are pulled backwards by the ownership of about 16,459 "failures" that were never truly ours. It is amazing the amount of things we kind, empathetic humans will take complete credit for just because we saw it happen. Or because it happened to us. Or because we feel responsible to fix something. Or because we want to feel important. (Yes, failure makes us feel important.)
Your parents divorce isn't your fault. The death of a loved one isn't your fault. Homelessness isn't your fault. Being single isn't your fault. Your body-type isn't your fault. Your sexuality isn't your fault. Being abused isn't your fault. Your partner's cheating isn't your fault. Cancer isn't your fault. People being rude to you isn't your fault. Your sister's life decisions aren't your fault. Heck, anyone's life decisions aren't your fault. Your dad's embarrassing sense of humor isn't your fault. Your embarrassing sense of humor isn't your fault. Having a differing opinion or perception isn't your fault. Changing your mind isn't your fault. Being discriminated isn't your fault. Feeling hurt without knowing why isn't your fault. Being afraid isn't your fault.
To be honest, the list of common non failures could fill a Webster dictionary. And the list of uncommon, personalized non failures we've created for ourselves could stretch to the moon and back. We're addicted to them. And maybe that means we're a little addicted to the idea of failure?
What if in reality it was so impossible to truly fail that even the most successful and intelligent people barely touched on it in their lifetimes? Because the older I get, the more I see the concept of failure as starkly debatable, even cartoonish, in the face of such a complicated and ineffable current that is life. We all have our own personal responsibilities in this world (that are individually quite small in the grand scheme of things) and I am positive that learning by making mistakes is one of those responsibilities. So how can failure mean anything about your worth, your intelligence or your right to happiness if failure is only a figment of your imagination?
You don't need to start over. You don't need to make up for anything in your past. You don't even need to apologize. Your perception of your personal history can be your source of pain or your most powerful tool to not only to move forward confidently, but to appreciate all that life has exposed you to. Being thankful and awestruck by your failures, mistakes, learning is the nicest thing you could ever do for yourself.
